Friday, June 10, 2011


Today was my last day of teaching. I think I'm feeling that overwhelming sensation of finishing one big thing, but realizing that I quickly need to move on to other things that have been looming nearby.

After I spend the next two weeks flailing around trying to get my prospectus together, I'll be off to Japan, with the meemaw, who is here in Chicago. Some nights ago, I had a dream that I was in Japan and another huge earthquake hit. I was in a car, and I remember there being danger of a tsunami. I've thought about what I would do if I were in an earthquake--like, if I'm indoors, outdoors, on a train, where do I go? My grandma says go to a place with lots of corners, the example being if you're in an apartment, get in the bathroom since you have four corners close to each other. I guess it's more structurally sound? I don't know, but I like the idea of being a fan of corners.

A relatively trivial worry that I have is how I will look when I am in Japan. I used to not really care about how I dressed there, and I'd wear whatever I felt like, casual or not. But there are two things that have happened since then: one is that it must be admitted that I am no longer as youthful as before (having a husband; my grandma telling people I'm aiming to be a professor of philosophy; being above 25; no longer getting up at noon; etc.) and two is that I am increasingly aware of the Japanese "gaze." I don't mean that art history gaze, I mean the looks you get from random people who look you up and down, try to figure you out, and in doing so judge you. Actually, part of it is the gaze, but it is largely what you do with it that matters most. The awkwardness that I have felt from dressing down, not having makeup on, etc., is self-induced. I think I've had conversations with Mordecai about this, so I know this isn't an entirely a "Japanese thing." Though I do feel really Japanese when I think about this. So anyway, this is all a way of saying that I am starting to prepare to look decent while in Japan.

Yesterday I went to Woodfield Mall with my mom and grandma and started working on this task. Forever 21 helped me out a bit with some basics (not-jean/pajama-ish shorts and an Equipment-esque shirt), as well as Lands End Canvas. I tried on the dress I was after, loved it, and ordered what I hope to be the proper size. It is a Rachel Berry-esque dress, but made of far better material. I also got the pair of Top Siders I was eyeing in champagne gold. My goal is to have an outfit everyday where I don't look bummish, and I was thinking of keeping track of how this will work out. The one thing I dislike about "outfit posts" is that they are usually taken vertically, especially if one is taking a picture of a reflection in a full-length mirror. I accept the vanity and narcissism of outfit posts, but still, generally, I don't like posting vertical pictures. Of course, this might all fail and it might have just been an excuse to shop with the meemaws on my day off, but I have some hope that this will all come through. I don't know what's "youth preservation" about this blog anymore, but that's okay! I still go to Nickel City from time to time and paint my nails like I'm in the 7th grade.

1 comment:

Chris said...

Look at it this way: Worried as you may be about getting older, at least you still have all your hair.

I'm going to have to start cultivating an extensive hat collection.